Not today...

"Not today"... I  love using this sentience with anyone that just annoys the crap out of me.. I adopted this sentience with my ex (now hes my best friend .. you know who you are ) I had enough kinda deal .. and I warn people "not today asswhole" I use it in my normal everyday vocab... LOL

Well I wished I used that god damned sentence last night... OK run down... my soon to be is getting a divorce his ex is one them women where red ants and honey should be applied on her in tons while she is screaming blood murder light her up and watch her burn slowly and cackle at your new way to kill people LOL think I am morbid ? hey remember this is.. if you think it dose not mean you are gonna do it.. shit its healthy to think like this... BUT DONT ACT UPON IT!

anyways she is one them women that using children to hurt someone is all right too do.. Mike .. I have known him and been around him long enough... that he is a fabulous father...(he is not a saint people but hes awesome!) I have heard eye witnesses about how EVIL this bitch is... she actually dose drugs (coke is her fave) and alcohol around the children (because she convinced the fucking state Mike was a drug lord and a threat too her and the children) she fucks these drug people for her next fix while her youngest daughter is in the closet SLEEPING! She ran to Oregon saying Mike Beat her... YES PEOPLE she one them women... I have to sit here and for 5 months (and still going) been seeing people talk to Mike and say "wow thats not your ex, she is awesome.. Great choice" Mike has been struggling with the ill affects of her.. Her mother (bitch not the good kind) banned Mike to talk to HIS CHILDREN when its a caurt order he can talk to them twice a week.. Mind you the apple dose not fall from the tree and his ex lives with her mother! I been teaching Mike to not get upset when talking the mother.. or his ex for the matter.. if you feel that they are trying to provoke a fight just tell your children you love them and hang the fuck up.. write it down and then give it to your lawyer... so it happened Mike gotten in a slight argument about wondering where is youngest daughter was and the ex's bitch of the mother started to yell at him and he said his piece and politely hung up on her. Now its been 2 months and he cant talk to his children.. funny?  I can go on with this all day of the mental abuse this shit has but on Mike... But I just want you to get a slight feel what I deal with every fucking day.

So, you get what I am up against and why I just really dont like this woman or her mother. Well minding my business on my FB. Mike was out seeing one of his buddies.. Out of no where, I shit you not... SHE whispered me wanting to talk to me... Yes people she wanted to talk to me.. Mind you she has no clue who I am nor dose she know I am waiting for them two to get a divorce. so Mike and I can get married LOL... funny right.. not for me! I was gonna get hugely annoyed on who the fuck was whispering me.. then it clicked and I just sat there.. WHAT THE FUCK DO I SAY TO THIS WOMAN!? I have huge amounts to say this woman and nothing was nice too her lol.... I wish I was not allergic to weed you know LOL I needed some right then and there.. OH yeah a few shots of the strongest whiskey would not even help... but my momma taught me "if you dont have nothing nice to say, dont say it at all" well say it just dont allow that person to hear it lol! I totaly forgot I wanted her on my FB (keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer) for two reasons.. I want Mike to see pics of his kids.. the only way he can see them you know (yes I took one for the team people) plus I gotta make sure (my piece of mind them kids are safe) the kids all right. I must be "friends" with her you know.. and BE NICE TO HER! so after 10 mins of hitting that god damned backspace so many times.... she is friends with me... Mind you 3 mins of talking to her I was dashing out of my room like a sprinter asking my roommates if they got beer .. better yet a god damned phone .. I was freaking the fuck out... BECAUSE ME BEING NICE TOO HER is like trying to give me a shot of pain killer (allergic to needles people.. I tend to "defend" myself if one comes even 10 feet of me lol) So, now i gotta watch what I post and so forth... I got wise advice from the lawyer to be nice too her and extract info from her... Ok... what now right? so I told Mike this "i went threw hell for you asswhole .. no thanks needed I want this bitch to burn in hell and for you I will do it but smokes and you not here when i talk to her. I cant play the nice little Becky if you are here LOL" I wish I just said "not today bitch" so with that .. have a great day....

Is it right?

I been very quiet.. Yes, I know.. a Lot been happening and I just got to lazy to say something.. Something did happen a couple of days ago... I got to finally see the final resting place for my soon to be's .. son.

Let me give you a background about Mike (my soon to be ) Mike was married to a woman that gave him 3 fabulous girls and one boy.. That boy died before he was born... Joesiah (I think I spelled his name right sorry Mike...) He rapped himself in his abilical cord weeks before he was born.. The mother gave birth to a still born.. Tore Mike and her up .. bad.. Well they are getting a divorce now due to her stupid ass and her not beliving the word cope .. Plus she one "THEM" women.. You know them women that makes want to berry her in a 6 inch gave cover with honey and pour tons of red ants on her.. Yeah she is the worse kind of my gender... and you wonder why I cant stand my gender in general.. people like her make me sick...

anyways I been coping the fact a little guy to special and so sweet.. could not enjoy this world with his fabulous father. Well I thought I could handle it a couple of days ago when Mike turned in to the cemetery.. while Mike gotten out to tell his son he loved him and so forth.. I was in the car.. I FELT rooted there I couldnt get out... I didnt know what came over me.. I been to the final resting place of many people I loved deeply and so forth family included ... But the profound emotion that hit me so hard I just sat there in the car... I couldnt move.. I couldnt say and god damned word to Mike when finally drove off.. I sat there looking out my window and tried so god damned hard not to show how much it hurt .. I silently cried.. rare occasion for me I show nothing like that in public... silence hit me.. Mike pulled over and cried himself.. I just sat there the rest of the ride home shedding tears from my right eye..

Right now I am tearing up just even going back to that day... I dont have a fucking clue what the fuck came over me then and now... Is it right to show this deep hurt? I have no clue.. But it feels like I lost that very child myself... I just dont know... I am trying to talk to Mike about it.. But every time I want too.. I just shut up.. why??? what the fuck came over me... So, I sit here wondering why... I dont know.. I am not an very emotional person.. I know what sympathy is and this is not it... I can relate to many people out there.. But this emotion.. this deep feeling.. BUGS THE SHIT OUT OF ME! anywhos that I gotta say about it .. Be good to yourself guys