And my opinion is?

Hello peeps

very deadly question with me "Becky what is your opinion?" the people that know me real well knows thats not a question you want me to answer unless you truly want me to answer that. So, if they dont want my opinion then they dont ask. They dont even hint for that opinion. and always do i stay quiet until someone falls for it .. they truly find out how i really think and they look at me with that "wow" look. Or they get offended lol.. thats when I laugh at them and tell them if you didnt want to know then dont fucking ask.

Well today I am asking myself for my own opinion on whats going with me.  If you dont want to know.. then dont read. Yes, yes, i got drama fucks (mIkes mother,Janova, and Jen) Wooo think i would forget my drama fucks? Nope ... so if you get offended you drama fucks DONT READ! and if you dare to use this against Mike I will take action (because you are putting me in your all lives when i stated clearly I am out of it). I have every right to express how I feel. Just i cant act on it unless i am willing to to go to jail.today I just wish not to go to jail or have Mike loose his chance with his children (yes Jen I know you will be pathetic and try to use this against him.) So, I will take this a bit further to insure mike will not be harmed. I will be n.... n.... fuck I cant say that word with out a very nasty taste in my mouth, and feeling the cover of fake trying to choke me. It starts with an N and ends with an e .. figure it out. Oh yeah this is not causing drama. remind yourselves YOU ARE ON MY BLOG and it states numerous times ... dont read if you get easily offended. these are my rants these are my thoughts. NO ONE can say nothing to me to make it "right." THIS IS MY FORM OF RELEASING WHATS ON MY FUCKING MIND! so I can have a healthier life with Mike.

So, with that, lets get on with it. Since i been in Denver I been with Mike.. Mike was a hot mess in emotions trust and so forth do to his past. also he was in the middle of an divorce. I know how hard that is especially when it involves children. I watched Mike helped him unconditionally gave him the love he needed and picked up his shattered heart and pieced it together with his help. The only thing I wanted from him.. His love. He FREELY gave it too me. Mike is and will always be my soul mate and my best friend. We are very close. Like we can look at each other and say nothing and nod our heads or laugh at something that we both though together... or one is silent other other just answers a silent question .. this how close we are. But I always tell him I am not paid enough to read minds lol ... we joke we laugh we ague we are all over each other but the bottom line is we love each other. He 100% trusts me and I him. I will do almost anything for this man. I have watched him shatter in font of me due to his ex thinking she had control of him and telling him he cant talk the his children. I saw it and I was PISSED.. I walked him threw it carefully and healed him. Saying nothing to him just went threw hell with him. (my snarky thought on that, I was due on rent in hell needed to pay it.. so might as well go down with Mike and say hello) Mike can even take me out and his friends like me! We go out and ENJOY everything. All of his old friends (while he was married to Jen) even said I was way better I mean like 100 times better then her. All I said was "if you have nothing nice to say, mutter it under your breath while walking away." Never is Jen ever mentioned while Mike takes me out (bi weekly) we actually look and act like we been married for years..

Oct 3rd 2013 Mike and I are in our new place (with an amazing roommate and her dog) We gotten the best present in our lives. He was FINALLY legally divorced. Both of us partied like it was 1999 (not one illegal drug was smoked,shot up, or snorted we where drunk fun people in our own home!). It was finally over. his worse fear was loosing all contact with his children. he was so pissed she even thought of doing such evilness and when he read that he has HALF of the responsibilities with his children HE CRIED he knew that he now can be fully happy again. I can only make him happy so far. But his blood children can take him the rest of they way. Though, knowing how this going to go. He has that hidden fear she will do that shit again. He is trying so hard to comply with the court order with out just loosing it.. He leans on me and I un dieing give him what he needs. Loyal me to a fault.

Because the trip to hell was not a good trip for me. Stress has boiled to the top and is threatening to biol over. Mike finally gotten a hold of Jen and with MIke's word for word He asked me to type her a email. MIND YOU this is was what Mike wanted. Thus he couldn't word it they way it needed. Mike gets home the next day and she STARTED in on him with her manipulation and knows he didnt type it and this how its going to go and your opinion, wants, and your life, don't matter. and his email was threatening. she told him take it or you dont see or talk to your children. (this is how i read it) from the GET GO she started in on her shit. and the get go Mike complied to it because of the fear .... she played him. He accepted.

I am not in this.. unless it affect my relationship with Mike. I sat here for now two days crying because i will not put myself in this. I MUST detach from it. there is no maybe its happening.. black and white... Mike will handle this on his own I cant protect him.. I will not hear it either. Unless Mike goes back to the broken self and i know its harming him and them children. Thats when I will step in. He needs to deal with it. I am not going to repeat the last 6 month of hell. I cant mentally put up with it. I have given Mike a gift most women think they have when married to men... his balls.. his thoughts his way of life. He knows whats needs to happen.. I TRUST him to do the right thing and not play further the game and dont allow the fear to come between him and his children. He knows now that if he cant see or talk to his children he knows exactly what needs to be done. He made it clear to her and who ever likes to stick there noses in this.. that he is there for his children and if you fuck with that the state will deal with them. this is including Jen. All he wants is to see hear and talk to his children.. nothing more.

Mike agreed that every single email everything that happens with Jen and them children will be documented. This is the only way to make sure the court order is law... I will not step in .. If i have the phone and she calls. She is in the phone now (again) I will not answer it. If she starts her shit with mike I am not going to sit there and bash her... remind yourself this is all documented. and I just waiting for that day. Believe or not I dont read Mikes emails nor his FB unless he posts something.. His life is that HIS until I have to step in I wont. and ITS KILLS ME I am just going to shut down I know me.. and it will be hard on Mike because I am done and I am not going go threw the stress again .. and that part of me will be cold heartless and Mike is not going to like it it.. But i have too to keep it level. 

So with that, be good to yourselves

Attention: News Flash!!!!.... I DONT GIVE A SHIT!!!!!

Just wow... seriously? How many more times do I need to tell you all THIS IS MY RANT I dont give two gay rats asses what you think.. you get offended? you make me laugh... Not my problem.. You get pissy I say what people fear to say?? again I laugh... I am not the one that will hold your hand tell you everything is going to be ok.. I dont give two gay rats asses if you sit there and cry because I say "mean" things about you.. you need to start looking into yourself and ask yourself "what did i do to piss her off?"

Why this blog is written today is because of Mike mother... and a few others that get offended.. I am going to ask every single one of you that get butt hurt... do you think for one moment I wouldnt say this shit to your face... ROTFLMAO! please... my family and close friends knows I will .. But when people like Mike and a few close friends of mine tell me to be nice too you.. I respect and love them too much to say something.. Mike knows why I write this shit out.... If i dont I will go to jail for harming the people that annoy me... I came far in my fucking life and know Jail is not where i want to be.. SO WRITING IS NOT AGAINST THE LAW!!! you take it WRONG its not my problem... You all live in the deslution of everything is going to be ok or my fave one is that people fear you because you talk big... I am not afraid to speak my mind and I am so not afraid to stand up too you and say whats on my mind either... all you are going to do is bring me here and write it out... You all that annoy the fucking shit out of me live in pure drama you live like that and think and try so hard fucking hard to bring everyone around you in your pathetic circle down with you... and people like you all make me sick ..

As for Mikes Mother.. I know exactly why you read my blog to try to extract info about me.. go ahead go right the fuck ahead.. as I far as I am concerned Mikes mother.. read all of it soak it up.. My opinon and dislike for you runs deep.. I never once hidden that fact with Jacky nor Mike... You have cause more harm to the two people I truly love then most people dose in there life time.. You affected there lives for the bad.. and all I gotta say I DONT GIVE TWO GAY RATS ASSES IF YOU DONT LIKE ME.. you blew up that bridge with me with C4 WAY BEFORE Mike came into my life..... I am the one that taught your daughter to be a girl not a hooker I was the one that had to take her to the store and buy her things TO TAKE CARE OF HERSELF!!! I was always there for her when you should of been! so do not sit there and complain to Mike why you dont like me.. You think controling people will get your way and you always right? LMAO Mike has warned you numerus times.. just drop it.. he dose not want to hear it.. You dont even come into my convos because I DONT LIKE YOU witch means you mean nothing to me but a a annoying girl... and you consistently lie to Mike .. Mike dose not want to hear it.. I have caught you in so many freaken lies you cant keep track of them.... Dont be fake with me .. if you dont like me then DO NOT MENTION ME be a woman and stop with your drama.. I never ever told Mike not to talk to you nor have a relationship with you.. He makes his own choices and decides when he sees fit... so with that you are dropped.. from this day forth I will stop Mike even mentioning your name.. I don't even want to hear it... You can try all day long to control the fight.. girl I more stubborn... I will not give you the time of day... as far as I am concerned Mikes mother is Page.... and Mind you I love her like a mother in law.. and if Mike invites you to my wedding then that on him.. But i don't want you there. and that there was never hidden from Mike.. I have common respect for you.. which case if i don't like you I stay away from you say nothing about you.. If i have to be near you silence from me.. dont even try with me.. all you are going to get is this brick wall....

So thats out of the way ... this is a warning to EVERY SINGLE IDIOT THAT ANNOYS ME this is what I do when I have to be FORCED to be near you and I HAVE TO be nice too you... you are now warned

Be good to yourself

Family (blood) we didnt ask to be related.

 Bare in mind my cousin did NOT PUT ME UP TOO THIS ENTRY OF THIS BLOG she had no clue what i think or i will do if shit dose not end. I alone will take responsibility for every single god damned word posted here tonight.

I want to touch bases on my blood family.. 90% of my father's side of the family can rot a fucking die so I can finally live.. but there is the very few of you that I still talk too with out wanting to kill you. Yes we have our way of life.. we have total different way of life ... but still I love you guys and I will always be there if you need me.

My cousin Marcie (no one really calls her that anymore... I am just too old and stubborn to call her by her real name LOL) this blog is for you .. I want to let you know me and you get a long every once in while ... You and I fight like sisters (you are my sister I never had.. not my blood cousin) we grew up in a real messed up way of life.. You walked a life I couldn't even bare to think of walking threw. You have a mother even throw she is real head case she had no choice to bring you up the way she did. In result you live to this day a very messed up life.. I tried my best to be there for you Marcie.. But you are momma's girl. I seriously cant stand your mother (my aunt) that woman is a vile woman she is about as bad as my mother. she feeds off your Misery Marcie and she wants you to take care of her ... Personally? you need to kick her ass to a home for the deranged .... But you wont... you think you owe it too her.. Hon you owe her nothing...Now I said my mind on this its time for the people fucking with you .. I am going to say something.. and you know me I act upon my action soon or later Marcie to please send this to your ex and his fucking crew.

My cousin has children she loves more then her own life.. I remember when her fist was born.. I was there.. I was also there when her first born had to have surgery to get a mass that was behind her heart out.. we all where so worried about our Tatter bug.. I just gave birth to my first son ... But i was there for her.. watched her almost loose her daughter .. I fought and preyed that Tatter bug would live... and she did.. she thrives and loves life.. My cousin went threw hell with her oldest daughter. I was not there for her second daughter ... But I was in the "shadows" when she married the father.. I been watching and I been saying nothing .. They been married for a bit (dont ask me dates Marcie LOL I dont give two gay rats asses ) and now my cousin is pregnant with her third child... FINALLY a boy we all been wanting from my cousin.. no sooner then that it was confirmed my cousin has do deal with a very pathetic side of her husband.. HE CHEATED! (cheating when you dont tell your other half you are fucking some other person) on my cousin and got this whore pregnant and DID NOT TELL my cousin.. then I found out this fucktard almost hit one of her children and in result my cousin Marcie DEFENDED her child and gotten pushed hard into the wall (by her husband and yes she is pregnant) then act of a coward  the father took her second daughter to Everett WA ... Kidnapped her shit you not ... My cousin was freaking out (I imagine) pregnant and SHE HAS TO STILL WORK yes people my cousin works and she will work all threw her pregnancy .. she now a single mother she has to work while pregnant ... My cousin is a fighter... I am very proud of her .... anyways her second daughter was found.. brought back too her..

Now you know this drama I been sitting here reading my FB statements from my cousin protecting her in my own little ways... I am reading constantly about how people disapprove of my cousins actions.. Let me say my piece... Bitches get the fuck off of her.. You're all pissing me the fuck off ... You dont know my cousin like i do you are not there wondering worrying about her and her well being FOR GODS SAKE THE WOMAN IS PREGNANT! all you doing is going making her brother and I come unglued and will show a level of fucked up crazy that you never forget. You sit there and judge her like you know her.. You dont. you where, and still will never ever feel and see what that woman went threw, and is going threw.. she already stressing and struggling to be a great mother with the income she makes.. SHE IS TRYING her fucking hardest to make shit right! and all you're doing fucking with my god damned family.. You made that choice Brian to be a fucking coward and walk away and do stupid shit.. Now you're being a fucking bitch ass pussy and sicking your crew on my cousin.. Bitch.. My cousin knows how fucking crazy I am and a temper to match it... I am heading to Portland.. if you are anyware in my FUCKING city better yet bitch if you are anyware in my fucking state... I will hunt your pathetic ass down and show you how much i hate fucking dead beat fathers that attacks a pregnant woman and comes after children! I will end your ass if you keep messing with my cousin... that goes with your pathetic crew that supports your fucking pathetic ass.. I will take them out and then hunt you down like a coward you are... YOU FUCKED WITH THE WRONG FUCKING FAMILY ASSWHOLE! I will go back into my old life just to just end you... I have huge connections over there that is more then happy to end you like a accident.. so even though I live in CO .. watch your fucking back bitch because I will always be one step ahead of you.. I dont like you better yet you're just one more fucking tard that is consuming my air.... This is NOT no ware near a fucking threat bitch this is a promise I dont do threats asswhole they are meaningless ... You are not my family.. and I dont give two gay god damned rats asses what my cousin did too you. You had it fucking coming Brian.. My cousin is weird and off a bit (say it with love Marcie lol) BUT whatever she says or did too you SHE HAD FUCKING REASON! so run.. run as fast you can.. please go to WA Everett because i know many people there.. Just remind yourself.. I am no are near as nice as my cousin. She wants you in her kids life.. Me you dont deserve to breath there air.... and have no qualms going to jail to end you.... See I told you I am a hole different level of crazy.... Just remind youself this .. the only person that can yell,bitch and be mean to Marcie.. is me. BECAUSE I AM RELATED TOO HER SHE IS MY COUSIN! you have no right to even mention her name let alone your two kids she is raising... STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY FAMILY! Shut the fuck up and move on to anther victim .. My cousin can and will raise your child with love.. she has us family too help her if she stumbles.. we got her...

so now i feel a bit better.. be good to yourself Marcie you are loved and I will come and see your son born..

I am done.

Well everyone that read my blog knows I am pretty spirited person.. I state my opinion quickly, I am blunt and I can be very cold heartted, too them that are in my inner circle seen me bend over backwards for them.. I don't care where i am in life I will make sure you laugh, feel better with in yourself.. People can come to me and just poor themselves onto me and I sit there and listen and do what i can to help them. But, to most general population.. I am very cold, very blunt and very Polite if i have too be... People that know me real well has seen both sides of me ridden the horror I went threw and the ones that are still there for me knows I am not really a cold hearted bitch... too them people.. I love you so much and you are the most wonderful people on this earth...

Well years of hell has taught me not to trust not to love and not like people in general... Let me give you the insite of my life so far..

I raised with a very cold mother while i was a child.. granted that woman divorced my father worked two jobs to keep my brother and I barely alive... I give her props on that ... about it I guess ... My mother taught me that men only on this earth for there money.. I was breathing because my father had money and she wanted it.. She never really liked me since i was born.. she kept reminding me that all threw my life after paying shit loads of my child support on her animals .. my brother and I ate rotten food, slept in very awful conditions because my mother couldn't hold down a permanent place to live due to her addiction to her animals.. did i tell you my mother used fear to raise my brother and I? she beat the shit out of me mainly and my brother was golden.. like i said my mother hated me. I was sent to the state of WA after my mother said "fuck it she useless to me now" still remember that statement.. I went to my foster parents (my brother great grandparents) and one day my mother told me (her final act of hatred for me) "you are no longer my daughter" this after i didnt obey her to clean out her fucking bird cage(two things that i hated every second they where alive) ... I had to go to school that day.. so now you're getting the drift here my mother hit me with a slotted stew spoon (its for cooking soups for like a restaurant long thick steel) i turned so fast the spoon connected on my right hip to this day I have the three scars to remind me of this this.. Mind you I didnt cry all i did was screamed so damned loud 4 blocks could of heard me.. anywhos my grandmother came in while she was going to strike me once more and said "what are you doing" don't ever mess with a full blooded German woman they are evil as sin when pissed lol anywhos I told my mother after she screamed for the second time "you are no longer my daughter " I looked her dead in the eye (before i had to go out to catch the bus for school mind you) "my mother taught me not to talk to strangers, you are a stranger could you please leave?" That was the day I became cold hearted to people... because the look of pure hurt and seeing my mother shatter into a million pieces was well worth saying that too her.. and thats the day I would NEVER become someone like her. I was only 10 years old.

I became many things before I hit 18 but never did i be that cruel to anyone like my mother was like too me.. I couldnt stand being around her even when I went to a treatment center for teens (2 years 2 days and 12 hours ) I went on my own and lived with my father after i hit 17 .. My father is many things .. I love my father dearly but he never was in my life really since i was a 6 months old ... then the state of WA banned him to see me or be near me until was 18 so 8 years my father never seen me.. so much distance my father toot his day blames himself for my mothers actions... and I keep telling him I forgave him long ago and I love him very much. Still he cant forgive himself...

anyways I became one them girls that would help out troubled guys ... it was my mission to help someone to make them feel better and give them advice on almost everything they asked.. I have even help support men in return was hoping they will give me the same thing in return.. years and years of failing (scars mental emotional and physical to prove it) I started thinking i was put on this earth to get used and tossed away. So i accepted that so I did what i always do.. help other people unconditional love and always loyal to thoughs that needed it.. and when they where done with me i did accept then tossing me out ...

Until August 6th of 2011.. that day right there was a slap in the face (pun intended ) to wake me the fuck up and grow the fuck up.. years of going to school taking pychology and i became something that I swore i wouldnt be.. a victim .. a coward of a person to allow someone to physicaly hurt me with out my consent... my ex that I knew for many years doubled up his fist and hit me... so hard that broke my right eye socket in 6 different places.. while i was down huddled in a fetal position he was kicking me with his steel toed boots broke all my upper left teeth... I layed there... not a tear.. no fear I WAS DONE.. i started laughing at him... I was so pissed I could of killed him seriously he was deathly scared of me by then.. most people would beg for there lives.. I told him get the fuck away from me.. or I will kill you .... he back away while i tried to get up.. I got up real slow and he ran to his room... I was done.. I was about murder someone I was so fucking pissed... I walked into the bathroom looked at my face and he heard a deathly demonic growl come from my lips.. I look at him with that cold death like stare .... I couldnt feel my right side of my face.. my jaw was out of place (found out that the bone joint was broken along with my eye socket he came 2 CENTIMETERS OF KILLING ME  due to the shattered eye socket bone was pressing on my temple) I grabbed his phone and called his wife(he was legally separated at the time) and told her i needed to go to the ER ... since that day.. I changed... deathly change that people could see...

all these years ... I have taken a lot of shit and abuse.. why because my childhood never had love nor honor... I know that now... to make sure of that. i went out with a guy that tired to kill me the second time (almost a joke now ) and i almost killed him seriously because NO ONE is going to lay a hand on me again and i am not going to run like a little fucking victim(no offense if you been or going threw domestic abuse).. I am going to stand up and not allow this shit to come back into my life.. I had enough of it to being used.. not being loved.. not being respected, not being me...

So today I sit here.. pretty pissed.. Mike and I live with two roommates that finally showed there true colors .. One is a Tweeker masturbating idiot roommate.. the other one.. is just a fucking anther useless person that dose not need to breath my air. Yeah the "cool " roommate.. Naah he fucked up the final time with me... He drinks more then he breaths .. and he dose not like to pay his bills on time .. like our Comcast bill(our internet/cable bill) .. Mike and I struggle to keep food in our tummies to pay this guy (he is the main rent holder ) I mean its too the point we can barely survive on this income because no one in the house like to keep food in the kitchen, mike and I need to make sure the kitchen is cleaned because all of sudden my roommates have broken hands... anywhos Mike been giving out main rent holder 550.00 every month as agreed.. you would think that would insure us to have full function of the house right? LMAO (sarcastic) nope last month my main rent holder and holder of all the bills "forgot " to pay the Bills last month... why? because he wants to go on a trip (his 10 day paid vacation)and straight lied to Mike and I and his cousin to our faces yesterday (when he gotten home from his 10 day vacation) and because he drank most of his last paycheck he is going use the money Mike and I gave him and his cousins money to pay for this trip... 4 days ago we get our Internet and cable shut off and a 10 day notice to pay our elct or its gonna be shut off ... shocker ... instant pissed ... because no one will talk to Mike about the bills nor me... WHY IN THE FUCK  should he do that? we just give him money and clean the house and feed him right, oh did i neglect too tell you his cousin children are well fed and making sure they are happy every weekend they are here.. you know mike and I do this right? Mike and I know he used our rent money for his trip ... Mike and I struggling to keep a float ... and him he buys his beer always take outs and WE PAID HIS VACATION! Yep i am finally done being nice... Mike and I are going use our hard earned money put it too the side and save ... we are going to buy a house.. I am dead on getting it done.. every month we will go to comcast and ect and water/trash people and pay for our share of them bills then give him the left over money we owe him... dose not like that ?? this is NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM! I am done being nice to people like him... I feel like i am forced to take care of these people when I AM HERE FOR MIKE!!! wrong wrong wrong !!!! fed up and if they want a cent more from me they can go prostitute themselves on the nearest street corner. I dont have it....

So if you finally gotten threw this long winded blog.. I want to give some advice.. this too them people that are scared to stand up for themseves or too shy, low self asteme ect... stop... I was there, been there, done that.. I was there to be a punching bag and a push over.. its not healthy for you.. Be you.. stand up for you... if you have children do it for yourself so your children can see "hey if mommie/daddy can do it i can too" always strive a step higher then your goal... always find something to fight for .. do it for you not none else.. for the love of gods that are holy exspress yourself!!! you have right to say no or fuck you... I know you do.... Never accept what is.. change it.. stand up for yourself ... Be that person I know you can be... Be a freak its fun when people stare at you with that look.. laugh.. laugh when you think you have nothing.. because you always have something... Never put yourself in a corner always find a way out .. never is one answer to anything... Live happilly dont allow anyone to change you.. its not worth it... always honor thoughs people that are there for you thick and thin... get rid of the retards that bring you down.. never accpet what is if you are not happy with it CHANGE IT.. this is your life you deserve happiness and love... if you dont have that go out and find it and dont stop until you do!!! Be good to youself

Racist.. ( I am for equal rights.. I hate everyone in some way)

all right all day and a few weeks now my FB is getting flooded with black on white and white on black (people) the Ziggermen (how ever you spell it) one for example.... Racist   is something that hits a nerve for me ...I was raised racist not joking..(the area nation and so forth KKK yeah been there done that ) My father cant stand people of color..He himself and his brother and sisters where raised that way .. My last name is well known in the south.. I was raised whats called southern Mormon.. we as women are barefoot and pregnant and speak when spoken too attitude... But my father made it clear if I ever date someone of other then white I will be no longer his daughter... Now if you are keeping up with my blog you be knowing "if my parents cant control me, how in the fuck can you?" So what did i do when I was old enough to do so.. I went out with a really great guy awesome man I still love him and hes my bestest friend known to man... and he was black.. went out with him for 3 years.... My father finally started to talk to me a year ago.. and I been broken up with the black guy for 4 years. He still makes the racist remarks and so forth.

I see it this way ... everyone blood is blue until the Oxygen hits your blood and turns red... white, black, Asian what have you.. you all annoy the crap out of me equally. so why should I not like just one race? If you want me to pick on thing i hate about humans? women... I turned racist agianst my own gender.. I dont care what color you are... you all disgust me.. well most of you that is.

Illegals annoy the crap out of me also... don't care what color you are LEGALIZE YOUR ASS and stop taking my tax's to supply people that are NOT in my country or your fucking drugs!

Russians annoy the the fuck out of me also .. why.. you come into my country that i was born and raised in and think you own my fucking gender? ROTFLMAO bitch please I can drink your hardest drink and look at you and laugh while you're all fucked up... So many times I have come agianst your kind and FUCKED you all up .. my nickname in your language means Crazy... you mean nothing to me...

Now black rappers annoy me also.. all they sing about how they can fuck some bitch and we are all sluts and we need to be owned by the rappers.. COME THE FUCK ON! rappers in general are fucking retarded ... but keep disrespecting my gender and see how well I deal with your nigger noise. Dont get me wrong there is some rappers I just love.. there beats fucking rock... But the ones that degrade women in general? and making drugs great so children can hear this.. Oh you gangsta?? naah your just a boy with nothing but your sagging fucking pants and your cars/trucks (compensating for something?) whats your problem.. Viagra not working for you? maybe you are gay and well you got to blame it on us women.




See? not just one color... Be good to yourself.

Why?

I am asking seriously why? do you understand I am the person I am simply is because I want to be.. No one on this earth is going to change that. I lived that life where I was poor needed to support my parents until I was 29 (yes I supported MY parents with a place to stay, food, emotional and so forth) in my years before i turned 18 I was already adult I did my drugs, I even sold it (never did I sell myself .. seriously ewwww) and I did that shit while I was teen. You seriously think for one moment I just woke up one day to be who I am today?... I drank people under the table on a daily bases .. I did real bad things in my past to make sure my parents where lavished with what they wanted and my brother and i barely can eat? So why do you want me to change? People like you make me fucking sick.. If you want me to change.. then look deep inside yourself seriously and ask yourself.. You that fucking Jealous of me that you have to tell me of all people to change? You think for one moment i am going to do what you ask me too? Let me educate you .. I am 35 years old .. I live my life the way I WANT IT not my problem you have a issue about my life. keep it yourself or just dont talk to me. I smoke cigs so you can breath anther breath.. I dont like my gender because of people like you.. I tell you what .. if i did give two gay rats asses about what you thought I would be retarded like you and fat as hell with no life. Trust me ... I am skinny as fuck a great BF and a life i could only dream of when I was not with him.. My attitude is simply because of people like you....

So, why did you ask me to stop smoking? do you understand I DID drugs like Cocaine, shrooms, acid. LCD, Exacy? did you know I used to drink Hard Liquar like it was water by the time i turned 13? do you realize I made 3 grand a day by the time I was 12? just selling drugs? Do realize that by time I was 10 years old I was paying my fathers bills and keeping a roof over my brother and I head? Oh yeah did I tell you I was still going to school? Making straight As. do you realize before i hit 15 years of age I was smoking fucking weed to deal with not only my drunk ass father but my psycho ass mother that hated me because I was simply a female and I was not longer useful due she took everything my father had? do you realize why I cant stand my gender??? do you realize you are breathing because I have one simple addiction Cigs... dont go there bitch.. Not really in the mood.. 18 years I been clean from drugs.. My Psychologist RECOMMENDED me to keep smoking due to ITS LEGAL this was all before i turned 18 .. she told me she fears the day I quit smoking cigs. I will die a smoker... I have a loving soon to be husband that regulates my drinking and he is proud of me that I haven't killed him yet.

I have a very violent temper ... I am very blunt and I very direct.. dont like it.. simple as this... shut it. Live your fake life the way you want it ... DO NOT TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY FUCKING LIFE! You have not a clue what i went threw and why I am the way I am.

Do you simply understand there a very few people know I am not a hard ass bitch? them few people know I will brake myself, kill my fucking self, to make sure they are ok... do you understand you will never be in this circle of elite family.. do I care you are blood.. That means we are unforgettably related .. not family. remind yourself that.. when you take that breath you so take for granted. Makes me remind myself why people like you need to just rot in hell. Be good to yourself

Mike Simon.

Are you single, married, or hooked up with a someone? Me getting married... Yep if you haven't been paying attention I am with my soul mate I love him dearly.. (Currently in spots)

How I met him I was going out with anther guy at the time and shifting going to move to Idaho.. He came from CO married to "it" his son recently died then and he needed to see his sister apparently he was separated with his now soon to be ex. (hes getting a divorce).. His sister used to be my best friend (issues is all i am going to say) and I was living at her place at the time. His sister didn't approve my relationship with the guy I was going out with then and "tried" to get Mike (my soon to be) and myself together..

Trust me it ALMOST worked! Mike and I had our own little world .. we didn't leave each others sides ever.. It was like we where hooked together.. I helped as best as I can with his dealing loosing his son and the complications of his idiot of a wife. It was the happiest 2 weeks ever in my life...

Then he left. He didn't say goodbye nothing.. He didn't want to hurt me (so he said now) and well I was so depressed I couldn't fathom loosing my other half.. WEEKS his sister tried to cheer me up.. then things happened fast and he was never forgotten... He was always there in the back of my mind wondering always how he was doing.

 I moved to Idaho... for 3 years. I ended the relationship with the guy i was with then, went out with anther guy (not my choice at the time long story) and then that didn't go well. i went back home Vancouver Washington (so pissed the fuck off with men I was starting to hate them) I was on the phone with a good friend of mine that lived up north.. haven't talked to her in years.. well she said she had just given birth to a little girl and named her Nevaeh(Mike has a girl named Nevaeh...) She asked me what Nevaeh stood for and I just went silent and told her "Heaven backwards .. need to talk to you later, I have to find someone"

That's when my balls where bigger then his and I found him (little searching) on FB and whispered him. We talked for weeks like we never missed a 3 or 4 year beat. he told me he is getting a divorce from "it" and well he couldn't stand me living in WA and him in CO and he sent me a bus ticket to CO where i am at currently...

And that bus ticket? Its framed people sitting here on my night stand to remind me.. Love is never too far away. -Be good to yourself.