I been very quiet.. Yes, I know.. a Lot been happening and I just got to lazy to say something.. Something did happen a couple of days ago... I got to finally see the final resting place for my soon to be's .. son.
Let me give you a background about Mike (my soon to be ) Mike was married to a woman that gave him 3 fabulous girls and one boy.. That boy died before he was born... Joesiah (I think I spelled his name right sorry Mike...) He rapped himself in his abilical cord weeks before he was born.. The mother gave birth to a still born.. Tore Mike and her up .. bad.. Well they are getting a divorce now due to her stupid ass and her not beliving the word cope .. Plus she one "THEM" women.. You know them women that makes want to berry her in a 6 inch gave cover with honey and pour tons of red ants on her.. Yeah she is the worse kind of my gender... and you wonder why I cant stand my gender in general.. people like her make me sick...
anyways I been coping the fact a little guy to special and so sweet.. could not enjoy this world with his fabulous father. Well I thought I could handle it a couple of days ago when Mike turned in to the cemetery.. while Mike gotten out to tell his son he loved him and so forth.. I was in the car.. I FELT rooted there I couldnt get out... I didnt know what came over me.. I been to the final resting place of many people I loved deeply and so forth family included ... But the profound emotion that hit me so hard I just sat there in the car... I couldnt move.. I couldnt say and god damned word to Mike when finally drove off.. I sat there looking out my window and tried so god damned hard not to show how much it hurt .. I silently cried.. rare occasion for me I show nothing like that in public... silence hit me.. Mike pulled over and cried himself.. I just sat there the rest of the ride home shedding tears from my right eye..
Right now I am tearing up just even going back to that day... I dont have a fucking clue what the fuck came over me then and now... Is it right to show this deep hurt? I have no clue.. But it feels like I lost that very child myself... I just dont know... I am trying to talk to Mike about it.. But every time I want too.. I just shut up.. why??? what the fuck came over me... So, I sit here wondering why... I dont know.. I am not an very emotional person.. I know what sympathy is and this is not it... I can relate to many people out there.. But this emotion.. this deep feeling.. BUGS THE SHIT OUT OF ME! anywhos that I gotta say about it .. Be good to yourself guys
No comments:
Post a Comment