My understanding of "cheating" and the emotion Jealously

I get asked a lot about this is word.. Cheating.. Cheating is a very common action.. and here is my definition of cheating: "if i have to find out my man fucked anther woman by someone else.. and he dose not have the balls to tell me..YOU ARE CHEATING" and I will act upon it accordingly. Years of watching and studying humans .. I still see it as I see it .. Jealously, is also goes along with cheating... something I do not have lol Seriously.. It has been proven that males mostly do not have the instinct to keep one female (or male) they need to populate more then one female (or male)... We has the population are TRAINED to keep one person.. think about it .. Before Christ was born, matter of fact when he was born.. Multiples  partners from his area .. harems for generations... until we gotten more insecure in ourselves.. We are taught to be with just one person.. mostly women have this thought.. men just fallow because they are either afraid of their females or are also trained to be with just one... Now ask yourself.. HOW MANY PARTNERS have you had before the one you are currently with? Me 10 and one nighters.. I cant remember... I have been in many settings that have more then one females and I would have huge amounts of fun with it.. currently I cant remember the name for it.. But its a group of people that just have sex in a group. My religion says it clearly sexual relations is a gift not a right.. SHARE IT...

So, now thats defined by me cheating is a control word.. I do not control my soon to be.. He trys to make me mad now days.. so he tells me he wants to a club and find a strange (had to ask him what the fuck that meant) and he said "strange pussy" I said .. COOL leave me the fuck alone, you know the rules, good luck, and have fun... He looks at me like "wtf is wrong with you?!" LOL nothing.. I dont see cheating as something that should be in any relationship.. again I am not a jealous person... I can play the card real well, and better and a lot classier then most people.. But bottom line .. naah ... go ahead.. I know who you love ,I know who you go to bed with at the end of day.. and well if I dont want sex, or cant. so why should I deprive my man the thing that he enjoys a lot... I simply cant do it... I strive to give the best very best to my soon to be husband. He asks me a lot "if i bring home a female can we have a three some" I said "if i am in the mood.. sure "  He is so not used to that.. His ex had it in her head.. he cant find anther woman but she can find every dick on the block fuck it more then once and shuv it in his face.. so he is dead on me not having anther man (really why should I? I am completely happy with him) and he will "wait". here is my problem with that.. Men.. are asswholes.dicks and just not fun to be with if they dont get enough sexual relations.. so if i cant have sex.. WHY SO WHY do i want to keep putting up with that shit from him.. shit Christ go fuck someone .. get it outa your god damned system.. Because I am damn sick of your shit.. I cant nor am I in the mood to put up... So he is now getting confidence and pride that I dont give a shit if he goes get laid by some other woman...

Now Jealousy ... This word is a emotion EVERYONE has.. some are more prone to this emotion then others.. and there is very few people like myself do not give in this emotion... Brake down Jealousy people.. go look it up and BRAKE IT DOWN.. Its a insecurity  in one self and feels or acts upon it... I am very aware of this emotion and many things can trigger this emotion.. ITS NORMAL! But when you are with someone you truly love.. This is an emotion that needs to be checked and controled EVERYDAY.. remind yourself who ever you are with they love you because of what ever that attractted them too you.. So why get Jealous if your man/woman looks at anther hot female/male? what the fuck is your problem ??? remind yourself its your insecurity that is making you act upon what ever... also Jealously can be VERY HARMFUL in your relationships .. if you are insecure with yourself DO NOT GO OUT WITH SOMEONE.. because that will affect your relationship! Jealousy is also anther control trigger... don't give in and relax damn it ... If your relationship is meant to be.. LET IT HAPPEN! relax... If you cant control the action that caused you to get jealous in the fist place.. I advise you to get help for it... end your relationship...

Here is why I tell you this... I have a busted up right eye socket.. currently a metal plate is holding up my right eye socket.. the right side upper teeth are kicked in I dont have a right front tooth... why? because a guy I known most of my life I thought he wouldnt hurt me (my mistake) gotten jealous of the fact I was happy (yes stupid) he came after me and hit me in the face broke my eye socket .. then kicked me in the teeth... BECAUSE HE WAS JEALOUS!!!!! He couldnt control me with his own insecurities !!!

Oh it gets better.. I thought i was over the asswhole prick and went out with anther man.. I helped him threw difficult times and we became invalved I only wanted him as a fuck buddy and he kept telling people we where together... I said fine (this will be a year ago with this last dumb fuck, and 2 years from the ass munch that punch me in the eye) I went along with it and shit was fine for a long while ... he started to go down hill FAST (mind you i dont cheat on my men nor he dose not cheat on his women .. cheating as we never stepped out and fucked other people) when I started to talk to my best friend... mind you my best friend is black man that is one of my ex's. and then he HIT ME started to choke me .. he said i was fucking my ex.. umm no hes a ex for a reason, why should i go back to that.... then this started to happen more frequent when he stopped smoking his weed and started to drink more.. then one morning (3am) I started talking to myself (usually do in the mornings call me weird) and he woke up and fucking came after me with KNIVES! I was DONE no man will ever make feel lower then them ever again.. I SNAPPED... I was waiting for it ... and he came towards me and put me in a head lock and I used everything, I got outa of it .. then he came after me and I side kicked him and BROKE HIS RIBS.. this man is bigger then me and out weighs me.. I have 3 black belts people.. I had about enough of this shit.. I broke his ribs and started to beat on him... with a glass tube that is solid... I was done.. this man will die... then he popped up and came after me with two knifes ... I looked at him dead in the eye and told him "you got one chance to hit me mother fucker and then you will die slowly and painfuly" he stepped forward and what happened amazed me LOL I dropped kicked him in the face.. he hit the floor and I almost killed him with the ass whoopin he will soon not forget. I had to get outa there so I ran out .. he was fallowing me and I needed to call the cops.. he wouldnt leave me alone he grabbed my long hair and I round housed him and he hit the house hard... I dont remember much but i do remember by the time it was said and done I was shaking so hard and trying to control my anger.. the cops showed up lol and told me I needed to clam the fuck down .. I dont remember this part but I know the cops they sent me there reports .. then he WENT TO JAIL.. after the hospital... his ribs where shattered his jaw was broken in 4 different places and his nose was shattered.  cracked his forhead... I also broke his back in two different places. I told you guys this man will die, or wished he was dead.

So now.. Jealousy is a very evil emotion..CONTROL IT... or you will end up where i was.. I dont take out my past on my soon to be husband but he is very aware what happened to me and he very careful on certain things and trigger words and actions... I love him with all my heart and I tell you what I will die to him and he for me... be good to yourself ....

My Computer can beat up your computer!

Ok, Why? why do people think they can say shit on the internet and think that's that.. They think they can trash a person or a group of people and think that would do something.. Well, I keep wondering this.. I keep telling people.. what you say to me ... on the net DOSE NOT AFFECT ME! Words don't bother me on the net or in person.. Its a form of control... and NO ONE CONTROLS ME! but me.. you can advise me, or help me out, but if i think your trying to control me.. LMAO brick wall, with a boot in your face. My parents told my boyfriends,friends and other people since i can remember this saying "If we (parents) cant control her. Then how in the fuck can you?" With a degree in Child and Criminal Psychology, I know all the trigger words and body language of people with control issues. I am one defiant person, I set my own path. If you like to walk BESIDE me, then so be it.. I take extra steps not to control people.. I never really tell people what to do.. I say my opinion. its their choice to fallow it or leave it... I don't like people telling me what to do.. I look at them with a look that say "and what Med are you skipping today? apparently a pain killer .. thus you're gonna get a kicked in the face in...3....2...1" I have huge patience with my Soon to be husband. He tells me what to do and I look at him with that look.. and say "excuse me?" giving him that that chance to rephrase his demand... LOL... and if dose not even get it. the word is NO and do not tell me what to do.. You are not my parents or the government.. Then, I ignore him for the rest of the day LOL.. He's getting it ... He's highly smart man...

But back to the issue at the hand.. So many young adults and children live on the computer now days.. and cyber bulling is huge.. I been noticing it and I dont like it. There is so many people that have low self asteme and to tell someone they are fat ugly or other foul shit to make themselves feel "bigger" like  they do now PISSES me off... Now our government is finally noticing these things.. what?! how many suicides been caused because people cant keep there own insecurities to themselves and bash on someone less forchent in money hair what ever.. So what if your fat, so what? or you got a bad hair day constently... You need to understand you are on this earth to thrive and  learn and be who you need to be.. Take it from a person that gangly, skinny and "plane", parents that where not the parents of the year.. ever, and I never really got popular... I beat the living snot out of Bullys that picked on the less fortunate   .. I had a LOT of anger issues. I took out on senors that picked on kids in wheelchairs.. I got suspended constantly for putting football players and cheerleaders in the hospitals... Just because they made someone with down syndrome or a less fortunate person cry... Mind you, I was like 4'11 until I was 16 lol. Now I am 5 foot 7.. almost 5 foot 8.. same evil temper though and same attitude.  Still, I will not tolerate adult bulling or child bulling... So I play the "evil bitch" card and man they dont like it... Again I have immunity to the bull shit, and please try to take a swing at me. Give me a reason to beat the shit out of you! To them parents that think "its a fact of life to get tormented in school"I got one thing to tell you "fuck you.. you are no better then them people that beat on there children,women or men" you allow your children to do this shit you are not better then Molesters, Rapist and children beaters. Come talk to me in person. I put money on it, that you.. you either have the "come to Jesus " talk, or you wish to god you raised your child better.
I do get them people that there nut sack is bigger then their mouth and TRY TO BASH ME ON THE NET .. I toy with them and you must hear me in person.. I AM LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF! Test the theory... Most people try with me.. and find out I look at them and say my opinion and they take swing at me because apparently I am right.. I KNOW i won.. Next.. I am bored .. so with that lovelys I am out and gonna go cause some hell before i take my nap... be good to yourself....

Sleepless in CO

Yes, this title fits me real well today.. I have been up for now almost a day.. Oh no I am quite tired people I am pregnant. I am now always tired and I am one mean fucking bitch... I have now a ear ache.. in my left ear mostly.. as my cousin put it so wisely she is a big baby once a ear infection hits!!.. I wanted to spend some time with my soon to be victim err husband so I  thought laying down for a couple of hours will do the trick.. Oh hell no.. Mind you I already went to the ER already a day ago for this infection.. and they tell me (my papers tell me way different. not thrilled) that my ears are just fine.. Well I dont have a PhD or anything .. BUT MY GOD DAMNED EARS HURT ASSWHOLE!!!! witch case there is something wrong.. He tells me "nope, just put these drops in them twice a day and if it dose not clear up set up an appointment" Now i got these questions.. if my ear is fine nothing is wrong with them.. then why in the holly fuck are you giving ear drops? and why dose my discharge papers say I have fluid behind my ear drum?" and my last question "where in the fuck did you get your doc license? the cracker jack box?" I hate, no I loath taking any pain or antibiotic pills.. I told them this before.. But they give me this look like i am drug addict.. so I gave them that attitude of "you dont know shit, dont touch me" Then I am glad.. seriously glad I didnt lay down on there "bed" I dont know about you. but i know every room you go in it should be stripped and cleaned right? the sheets on this bed has black hair(I am strawberry blond LONG hair these where pretty short) on it and like yellowish mark on it and white spots on it ... Umm I sitting right on one them chairs thank you.. told soon to be "if i get head lice from this place because they are too lazy to change the freaken sheets? I am suing the holly fuck out of them..." So... I went to sleep that night well part sleeping part wanting to rip my fucking ear drum out.. BTW the drops dont work.. all they do is make my ear itch lol... it takes like 20 mins to even convince myself I need them (ear is very sensitive tickles REAL EASY) once one drop thinks about entering my ear.. I am shaking my head  like a dog getting ear drops.. So its not worth even thinking about putting them in my ear. So day two with this ear infection and no sleep... I tired EVERYTHING under the sun to go to sleep and I am still up .. Mind you yesterday I finally got up (went to sleep at 1pm yesterday) around 9ish I dont remember... so yes I am tired I am cranky and I want someone to say something stupid to me today.. see how well that goes.. right...

Today is a good day to review how anger management paid off.

Well, Today is a excellent day to review and recap why anger management paid off ,when I was a teen. Let me give you a brief recap who I am. My name is Becky .. My old friends I known for years call me Spazz or my graphic tag name is A Spazz Creation. All my crazy Fbers knows me as Onixx Jewel. I am turning 35 May 2nd and I have kids.. non biological and demons that where spawned by myself and their sperm donors. I am getting married and my past brought me here in Co with my soon to be husband. I live with two roommates boys (yes.. Yes I am the only female in this house and I like it that way).. So my life lessons brought me to this place.. I know a lot and seen to much.. You know how this story goes. Anyways one of my roommates has three kids (set of twins and his daughter that is older) they come and visit every Friday(night)-Sunday (morning). I am chill with that... I love the kids MOST times. the set of twins are 3 and the daughter is 6 or 7 cant remember. Their mother is shady as fuck and I can see it when I venture out to see them (I stay in my room most days) any ways... We been having problems with the father of these kids.. You now, he realized he knows EVERYTHING AND THIS IS HIS HOUSE AND WHAT HE SAYS GOES(when its not really he pays no rent and eats the food that he dose not buy you know moocher. We (soon to be hubby and I) clean up after the children and him constantly).. when it comes down too it... and what is his is his and whats ours is his.. Yes.. You read that correctly.. But hes not like this when he smokes REAL weed or dose not get TOO drunk.. Now you get where i am coming from? He smokes that fake weed (in front of his children) and drinks until hes stupid as fuck. Hes a great guy I swear.. But these last few weeks I feel like he needs not to breath my air. His children came over Friday.. No one tells us (soon to be hubby and I) we where going to watch the children .. Why? the father had to work the night shift and SOMEONE had to watch his kids while he was working .. News to me right? yeah Not thrilled.. 10pm kids are passed the fuck out.. I am glad my soon to be hubby is used to this shit...I came out and cleaned up the kitchen . I flat refused to even see the kids Friday.. But at a 6am (dad came home oh around 2:30am) Saturday morning the children thought it would be a very wise idea to wake up and completely tare up the living room the dining room and the down stairs while daddy was sleeping... NOT A FUCKING JOKE! for an hour these children where up.. They woke me up 15 mins after I heard SCREAMS and running down the hall (where my bedroom is) 6am people... I sat in the room hearing this shit for an hour wondering where the father was... So i venture out.. OMFG I was PISSED one I just went to sleep like 2 hours before hand.. two, THESE ARE NOT MY FUCKING KIDS WHERE IS THE FUCKING PARENT! ... so I went down stairs.. father JUST GOTTEN UP! and I just shook my head and let him know his children have been up since 6am and running down the hall screaming and giggling and it is not cool. He didnt like that comment and I just shrugged it off.. in my mind i was killing him very slowly in many ways.. Then i asked the kids to help me clean up the war area.. and the father BITES my head off and said "we got it!" I just walked away seriously people he almost got his head bashed right into a beam... I was so fucking pissed off he had THE NUT SACK TO EVEN THINK ABOUT  biting my head off.. I sighed deeply and forced myself to turn and walk back up the stairs. I went to my room now fuming .. then I got this urge to eat something so i quietly walked back out and made me something to eat.. and the father almost walks right into me and his demeanor was completely changed.. I mean kissing ass change calling me Miss Becky (don't mind it my brothers children are taught to call me either aunt Becky or Miss Becky) either Bi Polar or he smoked his fake shit again.. this is how he is all the time he snaps so hard so fast ... then he turns around and is nice and kissing ass.He's like this with his children also...I dont know what to do or say with out wanting to punch him right in the fucking face... So I stay in my room and just shut the fuck up ..